7 Reasons Why I'm Envious of My Dog

Some people believe that dogs only sleep, eat and poop. Not dogs I interviewed.

Sure, they also can’t enjoy a nice wine, go to the theater (well, I suppose if they were invited … ) or discuss politics. (Oh wait, maybe that’s a good thing.) But I am so envious of my dog. Here are seven reasons why.

1. Focus. It’s just a stick. There are lots of sticks. But no, it’s the one you have in your hand. He wants you to throw it and he’ll go run after it and bring it back and, usually, give it right back to you. Why? So he can then do the exact same thing again. If I could do this with, well, anything, I’d be golden.
2. Unconditional love. Although I can’t prove this one, they love you pretty much no matter what. I could go to jail for the worst crime ever and my dog would still love me. On the flip side, if I win the Nobel Peace Prize, he doesn’t love me any more–or less. There’s a beauty in that.
3. Joy. You can be gone for 10 minutes, 10 hours or 10 days and when you come home, they jump around like they haven’t seen you in near forever. Then they do it again and again and again. Every Single Time.
4. Priorities. Have you ever seen a dog with 3 legs? When the stick goes flying out of its owner’s hands, do you witness it saying anything like, “Gee, I’d love to go fetch that stick, by my back left leg is missing and, well, gee, maybe I’ll do it tomorrow.” (See #1.)
5. Living in the moment. It might have been a Gary Larson cartoon where the owner’s speech bubble said something like, “Now Fido, tomorrow we’ll go to the park and play with the ball and then you’ll get a treat.” and all the dog understood was, “Blah Fido, blah blah blah park blah play blah blah ball blah blah blah treat.” There is no yesterday and there is no tomorrow. There is now. We write books about this stuff, they just live it. Every Single Day.
6. Keen senses. They meet up with other dogs or people and know within seconds if that person is “bad” or “good.” Even if the person has a treat, they’ll still know. Is it their nose? Their sense of hearing? Whatever it is, we don’t have it.
7. Built-in pillow and blanket. “Curl up like a dog.” They look so comfortable when they curl up into a ball. The tail is wedged under them and their fur keeps them warm like, well, fur. I need the right pillow, a soft blanket and a cup of tea to reach such levels of delirious comfort.

I don’t even have a conclusion. I’m a little at a loss because I wasn’t sure I could get to seven and now I wish I had only made it three or four. This is a little depressing how much I’m envious of my dog.

OK, let’s wrap up then. He has fleas, eats horse turds and mostly lives on dried cubes of processed food. I hear a voice in my head, “It’s not a competition.”

Oh no, now I hear a voice in my head and it’s not mine. I think it’s my dog’s.

“It’s not a competition, but you’re losing.”

My dog is asleep. I give in. He wins. By a longshot.